Wednesday, December 29, 2004 @ 11:16 PM
Shu
i will miss you loads. all the times we've been crazy and high... all the serious talk.. all the fun. all the tears.. You've absolutely been a darling to me.... i will always think of you.. i'll miss you lots. lots . lots. come visit soon.
today: went to school. went to bras pasar with stacy ,rah and sarah. went to meet mel . had lunch. met my sis's friend. then went to church . weekday mass.
Yesterday: Tuition. a very high day.. very. did maths.. all of us took like half an hour to do those few differntiation sums.. how smart of us. yes then we ahd lots of chocolate. lots. then we jsut kep laughing and laughing and taling rubbish... you know stuff like the art ok poking eyeballs out and like making them pop... then abt how the laughing cow cheese is so soft and squishy.. yeah bet alex thought we were mad...so we decided to end tuition..anyway alex bought us presents... guess what it is.. CHOCOLATES!!!!! bad move lao shi.. anyway thanks lao shi.. so lesson of the day : chocolates are dangerous when taken in excessive amounts. be ware.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 @ 9:22 PM
Christmas Christmas Christmas
A wonderful time of the year. a time of giving, sharing, understanding, forgiving, joy, peace and love. A great time and period. well i cant say i had a totally sad christmas ...i had fun timess.. happy times. with my friends and all. going out. getting foamed on.meeting up with pple i ahvent met in a long time. looking like candy canes. it was joyful. Yet there was something missing. i could feel it.something just was not quite right.there was emptiness.. haha oh wells it was still fun.. good christmas.. a very shocking one too.. all the news we received on one day..
Bastard: Thanks for everything. thanks for coming. you've been wonderful. i hope you are feeling so much better... That talk we had was the best.. so much honesty .. i really love you lots. to bits.
Zul: hello dear!!!1 it was great seeing you again. after so long.. see i told u i looked like a candy cane... ahhaa wat a shocking christmas eh !!! ahah thanks for protecting me anyway .. ahahah love ya.
You*: i'm sorry i didnt call.. guessed i just chickened out. i really didnt know how to tell u.. so yeah... guess you're already very happy the way things are now. so i should just leave it.. Thanks again. love.
Thursday, December 23, 2004 @ 10:21 PM
Christmas is here!!!! i ut this song on for the spirit for christmas and its a hint to someone. ahaha
Since this is christmas i should take this opportunity to send my sincere apologies.
to you* : i guess i owe u the biggest apology ever. this whole year ever since i knew year has been horrid. since that thing in mid year onward everything started to go bad. from bad to worst. after since mid eyar i admit i never trusted u . i was afraid to .but things slowly got better. i'm very thankful for that. but somehow i kept on fighting with u. over the smallest things. ignoring u all the time. i know you're shy and u refuse to make the first move. but i purposely do things to annoy u. i'm sorry. i know many times u got pissed with me. i just hope we can still be friends. and that thing i owe u . i will give it to u soon. promise. anyway answer your phone on christmas k . at 12 midnight. thats tomorrow. i ahve somethign to tell u. ( i hope u know who you are)
to zul: dearie. i'm sorry really. this year has been shit. i ahvent been teh best person to you. and these few days when u needed me i was not where in sight. i'm sorry . i just have been really preoccupied also. i'm really sorry. it wont ahppen again k
to jas: i'm really sorry for everything. everything.
to mel: i know i've hurt u at the begining of the year. really badly. i didnt mean to make u cry then. i'm sorry. best friends?
to my parents: hey mum and dad. sorry for all the bad things i've done.most specially my phone bill. i really ahve no excuse for it. and certain things i know i keep to myself. its for a reason. i knwo u want to know things but yeah .. sorry.
@ 1:04 AM
Today was crap.
went school in the mornign to ahve meeting. ahaha cherie almost hugged the wrong person . totaly. ahah yeah . went out with stacya nd lumpy. but lumpy left early.a ahha so eyah. ah c and i walked around looking for a special present. ahaha yeah . then pei tried dresses. very nice. she tried lots of them. ahah the black and brown one was nice. from IS and Fond Hugs. yeah. pei u must wear a dress k. ?. yeah thats abt it. the rest was crap. very much crap.
zul dear: stay strong sweetie. stay strong. call me when u need help k? ...
Tuesday, December 21, 2004 @ 9:59 PM
mistake mistake mistake. i'm quite an idiot. i made a huge mistake. shit. ok i should go shoot myself. how can i embarrass myself like that? terrible.
Sunday, December 19, 2004 @ 2:52 AM
haha i just came back from church party. ahah it was pretty fun. like the usual pple came. ahha yeah . then i seriuosly thought the plant looked liek a goat. but no. everybody was against me. then they kept laughing at me. ahah then suddenly in the end the goat was glowing.. ahahathen yeah kenneth was liek talking tohimself again. cracking lame jokes. then glen and michael were liek jsut rolling their eyes. and hey i'm the mean to him k.. ahahayeah earlier int he day i went out with mel ,rah and stacy. ahah went to eat at long john's. then yeah went to look for skirts for ah c. and she happily wear her shorts on the inside. ahha liek totally then can see ehr shorts. ahaha yeah then went to watch National Treasure. ahah its quite a nice show. ahaha then this really huge guy was sitting in front of ah c. so she ahd to strain her neck .. yeah .. so poor thing. then she flick me in the cinema can. like my head so i flicked ehrs back. ahhaha i thinkw we were the noisest pple in the cinema..ahah then next to ah c there was this really tensed woman . ahah i think it was her first date of something. haha yeah then ah c and i were gossiping abt her in the cinema.yeah thenw e went to taka to buy nuggets. and ah c wanted to bring it there in zip lock and ask the pple ot eat out of zip lock . ahahaha rah and i refused to allow it . ahaha totally.
-I love you so much-
Friday, December 17, 2004 @ 2:51 AM
STACY IS THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. she is very pretty. Just gorgeous. Simply stunning. one of the nicest legs in the world. Sexy is waht she is. Her beauty is beyond words and description. Perfect eye candy.
- see ah c i wrote it.-
@ 12:25 AM
Someone sent me this in a email. i think its quite nice and very meaningful.
Its a mystery why we fall in love.
Its a mystery how it happens.
It is a mytery how it comes.
Its a mystery why some love grows, and
it is a mystery why some love fails.
Just as life, is a gift that comes
and goes in its own time, so too,
the coming of love must be taken as
an unfathomable gift that cannot be
questioned in its ways.
Remember that you don't choose love,
love chooses you.
All you can do is to accept it
for all its mystery when it comes to your life.
Feel the way it feels you to overflowing,
then reach out and give it away.
Love has its own time,
its own reason for coming and going.
You cannot bribe it or coerce it,
or reason it for staying.
You can only embrace it when it arrives and
give it away when it comes to you.
But if love chooses to leave from your heart or
from the heart of your lover,
there is nothing you should do.
Love always has been and will always be a mystery.
Be glad that it came to live a moment in your life.
If you keep your heart open,
it will come again.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004 @ 3:06 PM
yesterday was a terrible night. never even my widest dreams did i expect her to say such things. i never expecteed her to think of me in that way after all this while. Whatever i said yesterday was not a lie. and i am no liar. hearing those words come out from her mouth was like a stab in my heart. millions of knives cutting all at one go. The words broke my heart. honestly it did. when i read it, it was as if i could hear my own heart shattering and drop.i didnt expect her to do this, not at a time like this. not now.i treated her as my closest friend, someone i told everything too, well almost everything.she was the last person i expected to say that abt me. i really wanted to be her friend. sincerely. and honestly i can say i've tried my best to be her friend . i know i have been quite mean to ehr sometimes, fights and all but i thought everything was allright after a while. Looks liek i'll never be able to be her friend. never. i'm always not good enough or something. there's always some excuse. always. She was my one of my demons, one of the things that hurt me the most. i had planned to fight off all my demons and be strong and turn all my demons into angels. but. but i could not do it.I'm not stronge enough. seeing her in school today was totally heart breaking.i wanted to scream her name. Scream it out loud . just like how i usually do but i couldnt . i chose to leave it as it was. i thought abt last night and i actually could feel tears in my eyes. ignoring her, walking past her as if i didnt see her was the hardest thing ever. but its all over now. i'll always be not good enough. i'll always be the evil one . i'll always be the lying bitch to her.
This is the last time
i'll allow myself
to be hurt by you,
to be crushed by your words,
Its the last time
i'll cry for you.
I've lost...
I'm not strong enough...
I admit defeat...
I give up...
Monday, December 13, 2004 @ 12:19 PM
Hey just came back from church camp. It was really nice.ahah very fun. very spiritually fulfilling. it helped me to clear up some of my problems.Made lots of new friends. I'm very thankful i went for that camp.Photos are out.Click on the word "Church photos" CHURCH PHOTOS
Ah ci's colrets record:16 colrets at one go.
Sat& sunday: woke up at 5 to wake the alter servers. they had Archbishop cup that day. so yeah . then i fell back to sleep. then woke up at 8. woke ah ci. thenw ent down for breakfast. ahah then we had like songs and all then lunch. since liek all the guys were not there. so we had lots of left overs.then washed dishes. Rah stacy and i were like the dishwashing aunties. ahaha then father's lesson again. then yeah we had electric fence. ahah see the games is like we must not let anyone touch the fence and must carryt hem all over it. so yeah jonathan, joel, eric, adam,brandon . all the guys basically were damn strong . then they just carried us over. until the last person. cause like we could not carry him out. then we build this prymid with jon on the top so he could lift andrew out. but he fell over and i was supporting him. so he fell on me. and i ended up cushioning his fall. ahha it was dman funny but damn painful. ahahhahyeah then brandon got hit in his ding dongs by jon. see everything is jon's fault. ahha then yeah dinner. and praise and worship and confession. now the serious part comes in. confession was truly spiritually uplifting. i really let go of everything there. when i told father.i just started crying. like all the tears that have been kept inside. just came out. and since i was the second person to go. i think fahter was quite shocked. but father was so nice and comforted me. yeah then my sis came also then cause of soemthing she cried too. then yeah in the room we were like the csad sisters. cause we were just crying and crying. then ah ci also cried, rah also, christine,kevin, and andrew. yeah then ah ci rah comforted me.. thanks ah ci, thanks rah !!!!!. then all was ok . i stopped crying until. the last part when alfred put his arms around me and asked if everything was ok . then with that song in the back ground totally didnt help. i cried again. but alfred was so nice. ahah alfred you're the best. ahah then we all wnt to alfred's room to play daidi alfter ourbath. lots of pple. then yeah . whenever i shuffled the cards. alfred would always win. see i bring him luck . ahaha then we taught andrew and alex how to play daidi. alex is dman funny. ahah we out down a full house and he outs down one card. ahha then ah ci was like trying to help andrew but he still lost. ahah then it was really funny. lights out so we all went to sleep. ah ci slept with us but all of us were not sleepy so we were talking then glen came in. he could not sleep too. so we taslked to him abt our school and yeah all the interesting story.then brandon came in for a while but he left. then joel, jon, kevin and michael came in. then we were just talking talking all the way .then christine came in. ahah then yeah abt 4 all of us fell asleep. then chirstine ,Ah ci glen were up playing cards. stress and daidi to be exact. ahah then christine when to sleep . so basically ah ci and glen stayed up all night. jon and michael slept on my bed. rah and i slept on hers. kevin and joel slept on christine's. rah took up the whole bed and pushed me off. so yeah could nto sleep already. jon took up all the bed so michael could not sleep also. so ah ci and i and michael went to his room to sleep. ah ci and i shared one bed. then andrew joined us. ahah then micael showed us his magic tricks. aha dman lame and funny. ahahah yeah thenw e slept . ahh woke up at 8.30. and thefirst thing joel came in and said was " i dont feel like bathing" ahha and he did not bathe the night before also. so he's like dman dirty. ahah then we went down for breakfast. and yeah had usual talk by chris.and yeah. lunch. praise and worship again. christine and i cried again. ahha then yeah mass. then pack up. then ah ci says if i bully her one more time she's going to lock me up in 3mm classroom and dont let me out. ahaha ti didnt bully her k . she bully me k . ahahaha no just kididng. ah c i dont bully u k. so cannot bully me k . cannot lock me up k. ahah then went back to church on the way, alfred showed us some magic trick . but allt eh guys got it except the girk\ls. so according to joel . stc girls are dman dumb. aahha but yeah kevin explained the trick in the end.a ahah then alfred helped me to carry my bag,. aahah yeah then waited for ah ci's dad to pick her. then went off. next week there's a bbq at inka's house. ah ci and rah and i probablt go to the zoo first. then eyah ehad to inka's party.
friday: i woke up supper early.but was still late. so i rushed down to church cause like the bus was suppose to leave at 8.50am but yeah. it leaft only at9.15. so ya. so Ahci, Rah , christine and i went to 7-11 to buy sweets. ahah clorets and mentos to be exact. aaha yeah then we all headed to the retreat centre in jurong west. Choice retreat centre. and alfred lied to me sid we were going to yishun. like totally lah. yeah then we checked into our rooms . the rooms were nice but yeah really smelly cause like it has not been used in a long long time. shared a room with Rah and christine. Ah ci was somewhere else. ahah right ah ci?.then alfred treatened to throw me off the biuiding. ahaha it was scary k. i was screaming all the way ahahyeah then we had games. those ice breaker games. then lunch. ahah the fun part. i sat with my group . TOBIT. yeah my group members were Jardine, Alex, Eric, Sam, and i and joel. but joel didnt come until at night. so yeah. i started taking food for everyone and yeah just kept piling them with food and more food. until they were so scared of me. i think jardine was like super afraid of me. ahha yeah then we went back for priase and worship . it was nice. then father's lesson. my butt was so hurting cause like we sat on the floor for a few hours. painful. ahaha but it was fun. Ah ci and Rah and i were them funny lah. thenw e went to bathe in the night. ahaha there was a heater there but we didnt see it until we all had showered. so like we were freerzing our butts off. ahahaa so funny. then yeah. Played Daidi in Alfred's room . yeah then got chased out cause it was lights off already. yeah Ah ci slept damn early. oh wells. then ya rah, christine and i went to sleep. then tim could not sleep so yeah he came over and slept on the extra bed so we ended up talking through the night. ahah but we still slept quite a lot.but the sleep was scary. really. ahahai'm sure everyone knows why
Thursday, December 09, 2004 @ 5:47 PM
Please Dont Go. Please say you'll stay. Please dont leave me all alone here. Come Back. Please.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004 @ 11:08 AM
I have come to a decision.
-You were lovely. A really Great friend. A really good listener. The times spent with you were wonderful. I had never been happier. I loved you lots and i still will love you lots. No matter what happens, you'll always have a special place in my heart. You're simply amazing.-
Sunday, December 05, 2004 @ 1:09 AM
Today . its saturday by the way. well i did more things today. more accomplished. i woke up. Watched my cartoons. my usual saturday routine.Digimon. Powerpuff.Pokemon.Ninja Turtles. yeah then i left for tuition at Sarah's. yeah long tuition today. cause yeah we didnt go for mass. so we continued. yeah did lots of AMaths. yes. then half way through we started looking for food. i think alex is so confused by us. we keep saying we're on a diet but we keep eating. ahah oh wells. the yeah we started talking abt DaVinci Code and the picture of the last supper. its quite funny. ahhahayeah. anyway alex said i walk like i was drunk today .. like huh?.. no i dont. yeah jo's sick. she has an unltra sexy voice now. aahahyeah met my mum and sis for dinner around church. oh yeah saw Stacy in church. ahahha she touched my head. but i didnt see. so i thought it was some psycho. ahahah yeah anyway she owes me sweets. ahaha totally. yeah then i watch Miss world . Peru won. She's quite a beauty. very proportional. ahah yeah oh then there wer this 4 spanish or latin guys singing. wow. their voices are so good. like really. so strong. totally. ahaha funny. k thats all i guess..
Stacy: Ah ci.... u owe me sweet.. ahha fat free.. ahahahah fat free. ahaha and stop scratching k... if not you'll have lots of scars. then not pretty... ahaha .we pack for camp toether k?...
Well this is my update for Friday. i woke up quite early. QUITE. aahha used the computer. like came online. checked my mail. i received an email from the Dalat youths. :)) yeah that boy, rony. i remember him. i took a picture with him. yeah fei they all kept making fun of him and i. ahah yeah. played yahoo pool. got trashed by possibly everyone. ahah yeah i dont understand why i cant work the computer one, but i'm fine with like the real thing. ahah i really bad with computers. yeah then shaleen started asking rwally weird questions, which scared me. a lot. ahah but yeah.yeah and she kept asking em who i liked. i will never tell you. its a secret.. ssshhh . ahahah oh wells. then iw atched survivor. yeah wat a bitchy show man. all the back stabbing. shocker. really.so basically i bummed the whole day off. ahaha BUmmer society.
Friday, December 03, 2004 @ 12:07 PM
I feel like a fool. I am a fool. A total Fool.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004 @ 2:56 PM
i will never forget
the wonderful days we hadthe days when you were
my life. my heart. my soul.
i used to think that
we'd be everlasting and strong.
but now i realise that was all
just a jubilant fantasy.
thinking of it makes my heart break
but i love you just so.
sometimes, i wish u were still by my side
like how it used to be
but now. i sit here alone.
just remembering all the things we shared.
hoping that one day.
you would love me
and make me happy again.
but i know its impossible
this is a love. that is so strong. and everlasting.
i love you lots.